Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

*pict from Google

Dalam perubatan, terdapat sejenis penyakit yang dipanggil Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) atau penyakit was2 yang merupakan masalah psychiatry yang berlaku dalam 10% daripada keseluruhan penduduk dunia serta tergolong dalam kumpulan anxiety diorder.

Obsess = menghantui/obsesi (pemikiran yang selalu menghantui atau bermain diminda seseorang)
Compulsion = kewajipan (rasa perlunya melakukan sesuatu, jika tidak melakukan akan berasa resah)

*pict from Google

Antara tanda2 seseorang itu mengalami masalah OCD ialah :-

1. Selalu risau tentang sesuatu (seperti risau tangan kotor atau dijangkiti bakteria)
2. Rasa perlunya melakukan sesuatu untuk menghilangkan kerisauan itu seperti dengan mencuci tangan berulang kali walaupun tidak kotor
3. Merasa tidak senang sekiranya tidak membasuh tangan tersebut
4. Menutup serta membuka pintu berulang2 kali walaupun telah dikunci dan selalu berulang kali check either pintu benar2 telah dikunci (car or pintu rumah)
5. Selalu ragu2 adakah dapur gas/oven/laptop or any electrical appliances including switches already off
6. Suka mengira sesuatu dan mengambil masa yang lama untuk mengiranya kerana mengira berulang2 kali
7. Menyusun alatan atau mengemas rumah mengambil masa yang lama untuk memastikan susunan adalah tepat dan tidak bengkok

Dalam banyak2 tanda tu....no 4 until no 6 always happen to me

No 4 - Keluar je dari kereta, of course akan kunci pintu..tet (bunyi tekan kekunci lock la kunun2)..pastu akan automatic try tarik pintu kereta...owk, kunci..jalan beberapa tapak mulanya pikiran jadi confused betul ke kereta da locked?? Patah balik check...paling chronic da masuk rumah kunci pintu, lepak2 tetiba terfikir balik...betul ke da locked?? Sure ke??? Paling tak sker smp tak boleh focus nk buat apa2 sampaila keluar balik g check semula...chronic x chronic tu??? Pintu rumah tak terkecuali jgk, same situation jgk......da kenapa kan?????

No 5 - Da jadi habit lepas masak (masak ker??? masak owk, cuma kadang2 hoho) kan off tombol dier kan...da lepas masak harusla makan kan...kan...kan?? Tengah makan boleh pk, eh betul ke da off dapur tu?? G balik check................... Same jgk if nk tgglkan rumah, mesti g checkla berulang kali betul ke da off...including all switches ok! Lampu, kipas bla3...smp naik penat check berulang kali..............

No 6 - Kira duit..kira barang..eh, semua yg melibatkan calculation la...berulang2 kali akan kire tau

No 7 - Ni paling x boleh blah jgk. I paling pantang orang sker sepah2, x kemas, pengotor & yang seangkatan ngannya.........n tak terkecuali orang yang sker sangat usik barang2 I or barang2 yang I da kemas. Rasa migraine n panas satu badan dibuatnya, da la I jenis orang yang organize and cermat (tak tipu owk). Ingat lagi masa kat matrix, pinjam2 note (bukan galaxy note k), report, tasks kan..I punya la jaga all those paper x bagi kemot2, terlipat2, kotor...bila orang da pinjam2, lunyai bila smp balik kat I..harusla I mengamuk kan, pastu I siap salin balik buat baru b4 submit kat lecturer..ko rajin nk buat balik?? X tau la kan korunk chaner, tp I mmg spesies macam tu, kepala otak I sakit tau if x buat semula! Tak kirela kertas tu penting or not, I tak sker lipat2...mcmn I dapat mcm tu la I simpan (serious x tipu jgk). Cter masa matrix jgk, tilam katil ktorg x lembut macam dunlop or pe2 la tilam yang letak jari pun tenggelam tu...So, cadar katil I akan sentiasa kemas setiap masa, tegang n rapi je (sampai macam tu tau)...setiap kali orang dtg mesti terkejut n puji..tapi kan...tapikan....bebudak class I if dtg discussion or chit chat kat bilik I mesti sker terjah katil I, kemot2kan then blah...arghhhhhh, rasa nk gugur jantung I tengok menda kedut2 neh tauuuuuu

Kesimpulannya, adakah I penghidap OCD???

Tepuk bantal terus Zzzzzzzz.......................... (besok2la I pkkan huhu)

Words Do Hurt

Words do hurt and have the power to be very destructive
Whoever said "Words don't hurt" is a liar
Words can rip your heart apart, make you cry and end relationships 
Some people said that action speaks louder than words, but sometimes words can hurt more than anything else.....

A tongue has no bones, but it's already strong enough to break a heart
So, be careful with your words...once they are said, they can only be forgiven not forgotten
And it's all up to me, whether to forgive or to forget...got it??
Just remember that a true friend's silence hurts more than enemy's rough words
...and I chose to remain silent

I believe that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that....but it's not easy
Sometimes we aspect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them, in fact I did.....
We've all been hurt by words before. So, before you speak, think about how your words might affect someone else
But I've learned that sometimes you have to hurt someone's feeling just to let them understand how it felt when they hurt yours
Because most of life's greatest lessons are learned through hurt and pain........
So, never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care

Care too little, you will lose them
Care too much, you will get hurt

Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart~

Unwell

*pict from Google

I'm sick..................and yes, I'm sick again............................
I couldn't remember when was the last time I felt sick....
Cuz, normally I bukan jenis yang mudah jatuh sakit, I jarang demam...batuk...or even selsema...and I'm so thankful for that!

But for these past few days....I feel a bit unwell....
Something just went wronged..........
I am currently experiencing a very unstable body temperature during day and night, lack of appetite and my head hurt so bad
I hardly did anything but laying in bed and not moving around actively
...and I'm getting a bad night's sleep almost everyday

I was supposed to drive back to Pjy this morning but last night I couldn't get to sleep at all and my chest hurts so much
I takde batuk2 pun..but why out of the sudden dada I sangat sakit???
So I cancelled my plan untuk balik and went to see the doctor for a checkup
Bila I sampai clinic..ramai yang sedang menunggu.........biasala, nama pun clinic kan huhu
Sepanjang masa menunggu tu, my feeling all mixed up....I was scared at the same time
Is something wrong with me?? Why I rasa macam suffocating and feel like wanna to throw up??? I cuba yakinkan diri that I just have a nasty burp and I'm overreacting towards it huhu...
Tunggu punya tunggu, at last...after about more than 1 hour of waiting...my name dipanggil.........
I told the doctor about all my symptoms....the doctor check here and there sambil bla3....
The doctor also asked me whether there's something really bothering me for the past few days??
Which I said "Yes!"..... The doctor also said that it could be one of the reasons.....heol
I'm totally immersed with that thought which I can't bluntly share here..........and it really scared me to death T_T

The only thing I can do is praying hard...because I believe that nothing that's greater than ALLAH...
He knows best...
Allah Almighty has put me in such situation for a purpose. I should face it with wisdom, faith and determination...
May Allah grant me complete health and courage to get back on my feet fully...
May Allah enable me to recover fully from this malaise...Aaamiiin.

You Are Not Always Right

*pict from Google

Dalam hidup neh we will always deal with many types of people
Macam2 perangai, pelbagai karenah...
Tp dalam banyak2 tu, I paling pantang dengan orang yang always rasa dier tu betul semuanya....
I rasa orang macam tu ada masalah keegoan....orang macam tu x boleh accept the fact that someone else knows better than dia or maybe dier nk sorok hakikat yang dier sebenarnya x tahu hohoho~
Does getting wronged hurt your ego???
Penat tau nk layan org macam ni....

If sekali sekala...then it's fine la kan...tapi if setiap kali pun you aje nk betul.......mmg x boleh blah la kan
I boleh accept the fact that I'm not always right, but when I am, I make sure that everyone knows you were wrong

You have to accept the fact that you're not always right owk! 
You have to let go of this ego-driven need to be right. 
You are just making people around you feel sick about it & it's very uncomfortable and at the same time annoying...heol....
And also let go of the the need to be the best in everything you do, because the truth is...there will always be someone who is better, faster, stronger or even smarter than you are.
Is it so hard for you???

Sometimes, even though I know that I'm on the right side..I decided to keep quiet and do my own thing rather than wasting my time arguing with those yang ada masalah like that
Why?? Because I akan rasa sakit hati, moody...and all those -ve feelings which I don't really like
There's even a time when I just asking for apologize because for me apologizing does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just mean that I value our relationship more than my ego
Yes, I jg ada my own ego..in fact semua orang ada ego masing2...but you have to put in on the right place and time..which is sometimes I failed.....
I guess being honest may not give you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones~

"Do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. The right will appear. You need only give it a chance " - C H Fowler

Serba Salah

Cakap salah tak cakap pun salah....
Bila tak cakap suruh bercakap, bila da cakap...hurm...macam tak bercakap
Apa yang tak kena sebenarnya???
Eh, semualah tak kena............ << sendiri tanya sendiri jawab, boleh??

Most of the time, memang serious tak faham sikap manusia neh
What's the point of asking, when you are not listening??
Letih la acik macam ni...............................................

When people is talking, you should LISTEN...LISTEN....LISTEN!
Because the most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.
The best way to understand people is to listen to them.
There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.

"You have to be willing sometimes to listen to some remarkable bad opinions. Because if you say to someone, 'That's the silliest thing I've ever heard; get on out of here!' - then you'll never get anything out of that person again, and you might as well have a puppet on a string or a robot"
- John Bryan

Before you assume, learn the facts (because da masak sgt dengan facts, then only I assume)
Before you judge, understand why (you have no right to judge others...tahu pun T_T )
Before you hurt someone, feel (hati batu barangkali, xde perasaan)
Before you speak, think! (yang ni x ramai yang buat, cakap dlu then only pikir yang tu mostly buat)
 
Since no action taken............I guess, being silence is a source of great strength.
I will keep my mouth shut.
You won't hear from me again, not even "Hello...."
Congratulation, you've lost my respect!

Gangguan...

Tak cakap salah..da cakap pun salah
Asal x rasa serba salah??
Ntahla..

Disebabkan gangguan daripada ketukan keyboard warrior yang tak berkesudahan hari demi hari, my long working day ditemani oleh cik earphones with volume level that is not extremely high, but good enough to avoid gangguan bunyi from that particular person
It's irritating you know~

From the sound that's coming out from that kind of ketukan, org da boleh agak kot..that you are not doing any coding but busy chit chat here n there with her, him or them...
But thanks to you...I'm really into hearing talks and lectures from Nouman Ali Khan now which bring much more benefits and knowledge lalalaaaa...
So, if you're talking to me and there's no respond from me, I'm apologize yea!
Semuanya bersebab right?

Buang Karan Je...

You will always hear some people say....
"Macam xde ape2 je....macam xde effects je"
"Tambah sakit ati lagi adanya.........."
"If ada any problems or anything cepat2 inform"
Tu je la ayat yang diulang2...
Tp??? Bila da inform, nothing's changed.
Why?? Because, there's no action taken!
Duk takuk tu je la..sampai bila???
Tak bagi kerja kat orang sekian2 sebab tahu limit dier
Because I know orang sekian2 tu cannot buat!
WTH is that??
Masa orang sekian2 diinterview, ada tetapkan limit ke??
"OH SAYA BOLEH SETAKAT NEH JE, LEBIH2 SAYA X BOLEH"
Macam tu ke ko jawab interview???
Bukan ko jawab, "BOLEH..BOLEH..BOLEH...SAYA BOLEH BELAJAR, SAYA AKAN CUBA"... bla3
Semua yang positive and penuh semangat la..janji tinggi melangit (kunun la sgt)
Pehtu tetiba you dapat call "TAHNIAH, BILA YOU BOLEH START?"
Semua itu bohong belaka
Serious x boleh blah jawapan macam tu yang you bagi

Come on la, everybody is being paid untuk bekerja
Tp if ari2 you datang lambat, chatting all the time, tgk cter on9, men games & all those ridiculous things..bila bagi task drag berminggu2....pehtu tiap2 hujung bulan you dpt salary
Then, salary tu you buat makan, minum, belanja, bagi mak ayah and so on
Tak takut ke weh?? Nauzubillahminzalik..
Jom laju2 audit diri, celik mata..celik hati
But, tipula if seharian you datang kerja you x browse internet..tipula sangat kan
But put priorities la..first thing first, which is works on top of everything
If you punya kerja tip top, marvellous..two thumbs up..then, it's a different story la kan?
You tak datang kerja pun xpe, sebab semua keje you well done
Tp org yang cemerlang, gemilang & terbilang...won't have that kind of attitude la
So, pandai2 la nk letak diri tu kat celah mana~
Normally org yang bagus time managementnya won't have an attitude problems
Jadi, if time management you tunggang-langgang, then xya susah2 org nak judge you k!
Tet.

That is one of banyak2 cerita yang disampaikan oleh si polan kepada si polan kepada si polan...
Mana2 pergi, you memang tak boleh lari selagi you kena bekerja dengan orang
Untung sabut timbul, untung batu tenggelam
Tapi kalau da namanya ketam, yang tak pernah jalan lurus
Sampai bila2 pun you akan kekal senget
Letak dalam dalam laluan berdinding konkrit pun, paling kuat ketam tu akan jalan senget jugak sambil hentam dinding2 tu
Nampak tak permainannya di situ? 

Life is not fair....It never has been, and it never will be...get used to it! Heol~
There’s nothing that can be done to eliminate the unfairness, yet there’s plenty that can be done to thrive and prosper in spite of it, and even because of it
Sudah, cukup sudah.

Topsy Turvy

Life has been a roller coaster ride for me..especially lately....  
Its fun and exciting while it goes up and churns the insides of your stomach while you are riding down
What a topsy turvy life....
But, that's LIFE! You won't be forever happy or successful..sometimes you have to taste the bitterness of life
We must taste the bitter before we can appreciate the sweet
As we journey through this life we must learn to accept the bitter along with the sweet
It is not always easy to be patient with people who never have anything constructive to say but always manage to barrage you with negative and sarcastic comments
But the sour taste of bitterness can be turned into something sweet tasting and delectable if you received it in the proper manner without an attitude of malice, resentfulness or retaliation

Life may have it's ups and downs while we may have our individual differences...
Yet whether we are happy or not is up to us
Nobody is ever doomed unless they made the choice!
Let's welcome the 2014 with a sweet and cheerful life >__<

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet"

Hati

Ada apa dengan hati atau qalbun??

Hati dari segi istilah membawa maksud :-
- a muscular organ in vertebrates (four-chambered in mammals and birds, three-chambered in reptiles and amphibians, and two-chambered in fishes) that receives blood from the veins and pumps it through the arteries to oxygenate the blood during its circuit.
- the center of the total personality, esp. with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion
- the center of emotion, esp. as contrasted to the head as the center of the intellect
- spirit, courage, or enthusiasm

So, today I nk sentuh bab hati yang menyentuh lebih kepada perasaan seseorang.
Menurut Hadis riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim :-
"Ketahuilah, bahawa di dalam badan itu ada seketul daging, apabila ia baik, baiklah seluruh badan, dan apabila ia rosak, rosaklah semuanya, ketahuilah, itulah dia hati."

Bila mention bab hati, a few words that combine with it akan memberi definisi yang berbeza, antaranya :-

 1) Kecil hati : Merasa tersinggung; marah; merasa tawar hatinya; kecewa; hilang keberanian; takut.
 
Yang ni always happen...and selalu terjadi dengan orang yang sama. But, orang tu act like a dummies je. Entah di mana silapnya...sabar3 yang bersisa

2) Makan hati : Kemarahan yg dirasakan oleh seseorang terus menerus akibat perilaku orang lain; Menderita secara batin.

Yang ni memang menyakitkan hati...sangat...perit rasanya...luah or not, it's still the same..are you heartless??

3) Sakit/Pedih hati : Perasaan negatif yang bercampur baur antara geram, kecewa, sukar digambarkan dengan kata2.

For me macam campuran perasaan kecil hati dan makan hati. Sedang mengalaminya...

4) Besar hati : Besar hati adalah perasan ikhlas menerima, mudah memaafkan, tdk ada dendam; Suka memberi atau orang yang ikhlas

Yang ni sangat jarang berlaku...

5) Tinggi hati :  Takabbur atau sombong

Nauzubillahminzalik..

6) Rendah hati : Tidak sombong, bersahaja, sederhana, tulus...suka menolong serta bijaksana..
  
Agak sukar nak mendidik hati ini dengan sifat ini bila mana no 1,2 & 3 berterusan hadir dalam diri T_T

 7) Jatuh hati : Perasaan suka atau tertarik yang melahirkan rasa sayang pada seseorang

Yang ni no comment..secret kot :p   

 8) Patah hati : Emotional pain atau penderitaan mendalam yang dirasakan seseorang setelah kehilangan orang yang dicintai, melalui kematian, perceraian, putus hubungan, terpisah secara fizikal atau penolakan cinta.
 
Or dalam kata lain...frustrated. Pernah alami..but, I'm doing good now :)    

9) Mata hati : Naluri, batin (batin adalah jiwa yg suci yg dimiliki setiap manusia)

Orang salu cakap buatla penilaian melalui mata hati...serious x tahu macam mana huhu

Ada 1 lagi perkataan yang tidak hadir sekali dengan perkataan hati, tp mmg melibatkan hati..which is BENCI & I really hate it!
Tp, jangan banyak sangat membenci, takut nanti ada rindu yang tertinggal. Ha ha..xtau!
Owkla, from now on..I tak benci kat you..tp I x sker you..boleh x macam tu?? Sebab I x boleh nk tukar jd suka owk!
Perasaan negative yang hadir dalam diri ni mungkin kerana terlalu berhati-hati untuk menjaga hati orang lain sehinggakan terlupa untuk menjaga hati sendiri kot

Hati/Qalbun adalah sangat berpotensi untuk tidak konsisten. Sebab itulah susah untuk menjaga hati.
Nak jaga telinga senang, cover your ears
Nak jaga mata senang, cover your eyes
Tapi nak jaga hati sangat susah owk huhu....how to cover your heart??

Sebuah hadis Ahmad daripada At-Tabrani bersumberkan daripada Abu Sa'id al-Khudri; Nabi membahagikan hati kepada 4:
1) HATI yang bersih yang di dalamnya ada cahaya yang sentiasa bersinar-sinar. Itulah hati orang Mukmin.
2) HATI yang hitam dan terbalik kedudukannya (ATAS KE BAWAH dan SEBALIKNYA). Itu adalah hati orang-orang kafir.
3) HATI yang tertutup dan terikat dengan penutup. Itu hati orang munafik.
4) HATI yang musfah (melintang) tidak berdiri tegak dan tidak terjungkir. Di situ ada keimanan dan di situ ada kemunafikan. Mana yang lebih banyak di situlah dia tergolong.
Nak dapatkan hati yang pertama....it's hard owk....but, it's not imposibble. Kena usaha keras & yakin dengan Allah >__<

Usaha membersihkan hati/untuk mendapatkan QALBUN SALIM:
1) takhalli (melawan dan membuang terus semua kehendak2 nafsu yang keji)
2) tahalli yakni mengisikan dan menghiasinya dengan sifat2 terpuji
3) tajalli yakni mengekalkan sifat2 terpuji tersebut.. kena berilmu dan sebaik2nya faham sifat2 Allah... dan berusaha meneladaninya sebagaimana Rasulullah saw meneladani semua sifat2 Allah.

Hati/qalbun dapat menampung segala perkara yang disedari oleh orang yang memilikinya. Apa sahaja yang ada dalam hati seseorang itu adalah dengan kesedaran (berkait rapat dengan amalan yang disedari oleh orang itu). Setiap apa yang terlintas dalam hati sudah tentu dengan penuh kesedaran. Daripada sinilah kita faham bahawa Allah hanya menyiksa seseorang apabila ia melakukan sesuatu kesalahan dengan penuh kesedaran.

"Allah hanya menyiksa kamu dengan sebab apa yang diusahakan oleh hati-hati kamu. Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yang ada dalam diri kamu".

Ya Allah, Tuhan yang membalik-balikkan hati maka tetapkanlah hati kami pada agamaMu...Aamiin.

I'm Sorry

Why is it so hard to say "I'm sorry"?? It's such a small phrase..seemingly easy enough to say
I believe it might have something to do with what devious thing called PRIDE...isn't it?
It goes  a long way, but often too many times people struggle with uttering those words.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feeling
I'm sorry if I say things that might piss you off
I'm sorry if I come off as annoying
I'm sorry for everything I said
I'm sorry for lying to you
I'm sorry if you don't wanna talk to me as much as I wanna talk to you
I'm sorry if I think about you too much and too often
I'm sorry if I tell you about my pointless drama when you don't really care
I'm sorry if I come off as being clingy to you
I'm sorry.....I can't be perfect
My question.....Is it so hard for you???

I admit that there have been times I've struggled with saying I'm sorry or admitting I was wrong too
But sometimes I'm so sick to be the ones that always blurted out those words first....
Why did it have to be me??
I was blue..I couldn't  help it....
Then my conscience always hit me...
The bottom line is that these words do need to be said...sincerely & most likely often
Despite whose fault it is, the fact remains that feelings get hurt and need validation
The good news is that we have time to work on our approach to saying these words

Alright,
Listen to me....
I'm sorry for what I did before
You know the reason why I did it, though and yeah I messed it all up and we all make mistakes
I had no idea what I was getting myself into
But anyways, I just wanted  to say that...I'm sorry!
Try as we may, none of us  are perfect
We come with flaws and shortcomings

I'm sorry for all the times I've cried...................for expecting others that always hurt my feeling saying those words even once in their lifetime.......stop acting like a dummies!

Unfair

Lots of things had happened lately...or perhaps should I say right from the start??
All this time I just sit back and watch everything goes as it is
But I guess my patience has reach it's limit as I can't just lay back any more
It's getting out of control and thing has to change!
The more you let it be..the more its hurting you.
And for that, someone should learn a lesson!
From now on I'm not going to keep it in as I'm going to throw all my tantrums
They will no longer getting my respect because they're not even worth it!

Being mistreated...huh, I'm not an easy person to begin with.

But due of respect I tried to tolerate and it seems like they take it for granted!

What's the point of going to work if all you did were chatting, facebook, gaming, watching videos, busy with your gadget like others don't have it....& also in a group of late employees??

Yeah, you also can come up with thousand of excuses for being late every day as you want

Is that your definitions of WORKING?? Yet, at the end of the month you still being paid??

Wow!! It's amazing isn't it?? Just watching others putting all their efforts while you just bitting your fingernails & act like you're too smart...damn!

Yes, I'm unsatisfied with you..you...& you!

You know nothing because you're not even trying to do anything

You know nothing because you're thinking that you're too damn good!

You know nothing because you're being pampered all this time

You know nothing because there are others that will take care of everything isn't it??

You know nothing because you're too lazy to begin with

You know nothing because.....should I say you are STUPID?? It's harsh isn't it??

Life itself is a learning process..then, what's the reason of you staying alive???

I'm praying so hard that one day you...you...& you will stumble really hard and realize that the sky is higher & not always blue & you'll be facing your hardest time sooner or later!

Darkness in the heart brings sadness.
Darkness in the heart brings depression.
Darkness in the heart brings stress
But light and Nur brings happiness
Light and Nur brings comfort
Light and Nur brings calmness and tranquillity

I want to be in the pink of health so that I can work the best as I can!
But maybe, its not with you..you...& you!

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant and kindness from the unkind. There's a powerful lesson I learn when someone is unkind. I'm being wounded with the feeling to fight back!

Am I being stingy with my forgiveness?? The answer is...YES!
What can I do now to make things right with myself or between me and another?? The answer is....MOVE ON!

I'm Okay

What's wrong with her?
What's wrong with him?
What's wrong with them?
What's wrong with everyone?
Last but not least...what's wrong with the world???

Why it's difficult to understand each others?
Is it due to egoism or lack of understanding??
Is it because every individual has his/her own mind-set or ways of looking at things?
Is it hard to accept other's thoughts?
Sometimes I didn't know what I've done wronged
If it's my fault, then I'm willing to say sorry to anyone.. but people these day's.. even, if you're genuinely say sorry they're just going to shrug you off
How long I have to act like nothing's wrong even when i'm deeply hurt?

I can't understand why human beings are so mean and horrible and they just don't care about others feelings
Well, let's just say that some are disappointed in me
I feel like there is so much anger in my heart
I feel so angry and like I just have been screaming and yelling at everyone..it's like I've got that uncontrol emotions and hate to others people.. 
I'm less naive now and as I get older. I understand what's going on around me more
Have patience dear myself, this happens to me a lot and when it does, it's all because a lack of imaan and sabr. Increase your imaan dear myself

I'm trying to be a good person...and for that I must have more patience
I need to forgive myself before I can forgive others 
For understanding self before understanding others is even more important!
Receptiveness to others views is more important than to assume things and having a preset mind
Don't think that he/she never knows anything and he/she is useless
I will try to find my inner peace and happiness in my life.
I have Allah S.W.T. He is the most reliable.. He will listen to my prayer and everything will be alright.. In sha Allah...

You can’t control what others think
The only thing you can control is yourself
That’s because pointing out what’s wrong is easy
Some people will look down on you for your choices in life, no matter what they are
You can’t do anything about that
The only thing you can do is decide how to live your own life

Don’t hang onto anything too tightly. All things must change and you have to allow room for them to grow and blossom
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them
Nobody plays this life with marked cards...sometimes we win and sometimes we lose
Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did
Sometimes life knocks you down.. Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them
Keep moving forward and don’t give up okay!

"When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better"

Destiny

I want to die with...
My forehead on the ground,
The Sunnah in my heart,
Allah on my mind,
Qur'an on my tongue..
and tears in my eyes.

We as a humans are weak and we usually don't know what's THE BEST for us. What we think might be THE BEST for us NOW but not eternally. Allah knows what is THE BEST for us eternally for our lives, family and hereafter.

Ya Allah, tambahkanlah bagiku rezeki yang banyak lagi halal,
iman yang benar, ilmu yang bermanfaat, kesihatan yang elok,
kecerdikan yang tinggi, hati yang bersih dan kejayaan yang besar..
Aamiiin.